This week has been hard. I am trying to start a new career as a health coach. I just graduated from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition and received my license, except, I got sick. My son gave me a sinus infection and pink eye. Then he got to go to a Lego camp with Dad while I slept all day for most of the week and recovered. Sometimes I hate that my body won’t keep up with my will. Me home alone and sick and sleeping a lot equals depression, which is not something I want to admit to, much less write about, but there it is. I get depressed. I am lonely and I feel really useless. It doesn’t help that my son comments on how I am “finally useful” when I manage to cut up the watermelon for them, or when they come home and nothing has changed. I want to be and do more, but sometimes you just have to go with sick and tired.
I realized during this week of pity partying that soon school will start and I will again be alone with myself and my thoughts for most of the day. I don’t know what my purpose is. I can’t get a full-time job, because I am disabled, I like blogging, but don’t live a very interesting life so sometimes there really isn’t anything to write about. I used to be the mom to a kid who needed me a lot, now he is independent and only needs me sometimes. I do side jobs and little things, but nothing that defines my day, or requires me to stick to a schedule of any kind. I will be happy to go back to my yoga classes when school starts, and hopefully realize some of my blogging goals and desires, but really I don’t have an anchoring purpose that defines my life and day. I am just drifting and therefore the title. I am bored to tears. What to do? I will let you know when I figure it out.